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10 things you should never apologize for

by | Sep 17, 2016

Since the early age, we are bombarded by messages about how we suppose to look like in order to be accepted, popular, wanted, loved or just simply labeled as “NORMAL”!

None of us was spared from this conditioning because it is everywhere. We are exposed to this information repeatedly many times during the day from TV, advertisements, then from our friends, parents that are already conditioned by this messages. We hear it all the time and from many resources.

From the first second that we are born or even conceived, we are monitored if we are “normal” and if we match the ” normal standards of a human being”.
This is especially true about our appearance and our body!

If we don’t match the requirements, then the shaming and correction process begins. No one is there to celebrate NEW unique human being with unique qualities, with something new to add to humanity. But everyone is there to look if all is alright with this little human and if it meets the requirements.

Body and physical requirements are especially harsh and strict.

Everywhere you go there is already some product that supposed to correct you and make you the right way. You are just going shopping to buy a shampoo to wash your hair, and they are already telling you that your hair supposed to be: shiny, smooth, sleek, controllable, certain color or quality.
If it’s not, then there are products to fix it. If your hair is curly, then you supposed to make it straight and buy shampoos, styling hair irons etc. If your hair is straight, then you supposed to make it curly. If your hair is frizzy, you supposed to make it smooth. If your hair is smooth and sleek, then you suppose to have a bigger hair. They are very creative!

No matter who you are and look like, we are conditioned to feel inadequate, not right, not good enough and buy all the products that will help us to look the RIGHT and wanted way!

There are so many things we are apologizing for (or feeling shame or inadequacy).
I am going to write about 10 things that we should never apologize for!

Love yourself no matter what because it’s YOU!

 

Our body
It is how it is and it is OURS, why should we apologize for having a body, no matter what it looks like? This is us, it looks like it looks and is perfect for us!
Why should we feel ashamed that we don’t look different? We don’t suppose to look different, we supposed to look like us. I suppose to look like me and you suppose to look like you. Maybe at Halloween and other similar occasions we can swap, change, put some costumes and masks on, but only for fun!

Our color (of our hair, eyes, skin)
Why do we suppose to be ashamed or trying to change our color? This is how we look like with this exact color- of our eyes, skin, hair. It is us, and we look exactly how we suppose to look like. Why do we suppose to desire to have a different color? Who said so? I have this color, so this is me and I suppose to have this color!

Our weight
Why do we suppose to have a certain weight? Who decided how much weight is “acceptable? I exist, I have a body and my body have a certain weight. If you don’t fit into a certain weight, they will try to correct you and tell you how much your body should weigh. They say it was decided according to our age and height. How do they know? Are they my body? Only my body knows how much is a healthy weight for me so I can have a great life experience.
I weigh how much I weigh! It is me. I love myself no matter what because it’s ME.

Our body shape
Only certain people can wear this, only certain body shapes can wear a bikini. I am sure there are bikinis for everyone. Why do we suppose to have suddenly a beach body or bum? What about ocean body or a mountain body? Do we suppose to change our bodies according to the locations where we are? Who said that? Why? Why do we supposed to have a different body shape that we have? Is there suppose to be a correct body shape? I have my body shape, it’s ME and I like it! I was born to be ME, no matter how it looks like. My body shape is changing according to my human experience anyway! Don’t expect me to have my toddler body shape at 37! It’s my job to be ME. And if being me means annoying you, then sorry for that, but it’s your choice that you can get help with.

Our gender
Why do we suppose to apologize to be a woman, man or something in between or something new?
We suppose to dress in a certain way and in certain colors according to our gender. Who came up with that enlightened idea?
We suppose to cover some part of our bodies according to our gender. There are clothes that we cannot wear according to gender. There are body parts that we suppose to COVER according to our gender. There are clothes we suppose to wear according to our gender. Even underwear we suppose to wear according to our gender or having our hair cut according to our gender. Isn’t it ME who suppose to decide what to do with my life?

Our appearance and looks
I was born, I exist and look a certain way . I look like I suppose to look like.
I am a NEW unique person. I am original. I look OK like this. Deal with it!
This is how I look like, take it or leave it. You go and have a plastic surgery, I am me and it’s my job to look like ME. Get it! You go and have a boob job! Are you saying,  you are a man? So what? it is YOU who wants bigger boobs, not me!

Our hair
We suppose to change color, straighten our hair, style it a certain way, fix it. Do we suppose to make it straight, blond, sleek, smooth? Or curly, long, short? For who? For you? So you can look at me and feel good? But why is my hair making you feel bad? It’s just the hair! MY HAIR! Is it frizzy, big, short, curly, straight? Well, it is like that, because it’s the hair I have and I suppose to have. If I supposed to have a different hair, I would have it. I have my hair, so this is the exact type of hair I supposed to have! If it hurts your eyes, wear sunglasses, close your eyes, put an eye mask. It is your problem that you don’t like my hair. I am sorry you feel this way, but it is ME. If who I am and how I look like irritate you, just walk away, help yourself. Get help. Take an example from Donald Trump, how much people can’t stand his hair! Why?

Food we eat
Well, there is a new level of superiority these days, that certain food is a proof that we are more valuable, superior human beings. What food is it? Well, it depends on the era. But these days, you are what you eat. Eating certain foods can increase our value. So just another way how not be a good enough, correct enough, healthy enough, enlightened enough. We call some food junk food and some food healthy food. Well, who knows! I eat what I eat, according to my own choice, or maybe not my choice but according to my financial resources, availability, who knows what.
Hating me for the food I eat? Wow, that is a new level of reasons to hate.

Our existence

Do we suppose to achieve something? Do we suppose to do something with our lives in order to justify our right to exist? What if we do nothing? Do we suppose to be ashamed or apologize for our existence? Does our right to live and exist depend on doing something for you? Does it depend on having and contributing something to you? If I am not useful to you or to a country, to society, then does it mean that I don’t deserve to exist? I don’t think so! I exist, I have value! I exist so I have the right to live!

Our age

Being a human being is an extraordinary experience. Coming here as a tiny embryo, then a baby, a toddler and growing into a teenager, adolescent, adult and older adult. What an experience! There is nothing to be ashamed of! Do women suppose to feel ashamed when they are old or at a certain age? Who decided  such a stupid thing? Do children suppose to apologize that they are just children? Do old men suppose to apologize for not being physically active or capable of taking care of themselves or earning money? This would mean to be apologizing for being a human being!

The message that was imposed on us was this: “You are wrong, inadequate, deal with it, fix it because it is a problem for me.”

Let’s change the message to this: I am ME and if you have a problem with that, then it is YOU who has to deal with it. I am sure there are many products that can help you to deal with acceptance of my appearance, body and looks.

Wouldn’t that be amazing or better said – more natural- to just appreciate our differences and uniqueness instead of correcting them?

What else would YOU add to this list?

Share in the comments below!

 

Elena Ochiday is Eating Freedom Teacher and Coach, helping women to achieve “Eating Freedom and Slim Body For Life!™ She is the founder of Eating and Body Freedom website. She helps people to get back to 1. “Natural Way Of Eating and 2. Their Natural State Of Being”™ in her signature book, video training and workshop called “Lose Weight AND Eating Disorder Forever!™” After struggling with an eating disorder and weight problems for 12 years, now completely eating disorder free and slim for life, teaches others how they can be the person who can eat anything and stay slim, too!

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